anger

I am a very angry person! Before I start on what happened today in the anger department, I will rant and rave about what led me to be an angry person...Where does it start? Proably in the womb, but to no ones surprise, I cannt remember very much what happened there.. Mother smoked...and it was very warm and damp in there.....not much room to move about in there either....and it was dark....no electric was installed back in those days, not even a night lite. I still hate being alone in the dark, and cant wait for morning to arrive. ANd being born was not much fun either...I had to squinch up and sqeeze thru a tiny opening, and it was painful......a few days after I was born, some horrible man with a knife proceded to cut a part of me off.....in a ritual called a briss...Shit that really hurt....YOu think that I wasnt angry.....you bet YOUR schmeckle I was angry.....

Years passed. My father was in Europe in a thing called the Second World War....and hadnt met him. yet ...not until the war was over.....I remember the day he came home, dressed in a uniform...he picked up my mother off the floor and she was crying....I didnt know he was my father.....and I was afraid he was hurting her..SHE WAS CRYING>...and I kicked him..and said put my mommy down....and I WAS ANGRY and afraid of this stranger.......and I was afraid of him....and angry.. for a very long time........
As I was growing up, I found out that I was different than the rest of the kids.. I was "Jewish" and they were Christian" and was the object of their elementary school persecution.....I was angry that I had a grandmother and mother who applied an age old process called "guilt" to manipulate me to do things that they wanted...or...NOT to do things.......I was angry when my Grandmother told me my dog died......when I found him missing.....but later learned she sent him to the pound. So angry, that I had ripped down the railing and banister in the house...and then picked up a baseball bat... Instead of using it on Grandma, I went down to the pound.....and smashed up the machine that gased the dogs.....and got him out a few days later. I think that , that day was a major day in accumulation of anger.
Another major day of anger, was when I learned that Not only was I Jewish and different, but another major difference sepaprate me from the rest of the world. A differece so great....that I decided to leave the planet by swalling every pill in the house.. I woke up in the middle of the night.....puking my guts out.......blood followed vomit. I only remember, when I told them what I did,....the phrase, "How can you do this to us?" I tried to commit suicide, and I did this "to them" They never called a DR....and my Esophagus never really did heal..... ANger continued to build!
I over came the anger and self hate......
The next major anger was at the United States Government.....and the war in VIet NAM.. I marched....against the war...I marched, I talked, I yelled and screamed...I was fighting for all my students who would be sacrificed for the war gods, the HAlleburntons, the Bectels, the Duponts, The tanks and airplane companes.....I was angry at all of them...I still am.And I was angry at the consp[iracy that killed Kennedy...and the fake investigation, the Warren Report. and covereup. You DO not send the FOX to investgate who broke into the hen house and ate the chickens.
ANd today, I am angry at the BUSH administration. The 9/11 conspiracy, the Rudolph Murdock NEWS Empire that misinformed the entire COuntry and world what the REpuclican Consedrvative Nazi Parywere doing......and with their FOX NEWs and other media brainwashing, they dumbed down, half the population...THe republican Conservative Born Again Circus ..with RUSH LIMBAUG and GEORGE BUSH chief clowns.....I am angry at the government for the maltreatment of its veterans.....and the coverup of agent orange and What ever is maiming the Iraqi war soldiers...
I am angry at the hypocritical Born Again Christians like JERRY FALWELL, and the rest of his buddies, while in the middle of their straight or homosexual affairs, scream morality from the pulpit....and put down every one from non belivers, JEWS and GAYS...for causing all the probablems of the world, including.....9/11 (The Nerve of Blaming 9/11 on the JEWS and GAYS...when we all know it was caused by the people from MONACO....for their Casinos and Gambling....addiction... or maybe we can blame the Penguines from Antartica....

ANd now I am angry what the Bush adminsitration did to AMerica....the entire world, and ME!!!!! I USED TO HAVE SOME MONEY IN THE BANK, A HUGE AUCTION,AN APARTMENT IN AMSTERDAM HOLLAND, AND A THRIVING BUSINESS.... and now I am floating in a boat on on chartered seas...scared and angry.
I am angry at the banks and credit card compaines that robbed most of us with incredible interest rates,raised because there was no way to pay our bills after 9/11, and BUSH allowed them to raise interest rates on me up to 32%, and I just cant catch up....There should have been a moratorium on interest rates being raised..due to the supposed invasion by AL QUEDA>
.... how many of the BANKS forclosed on homes of hard working people...while they took millions of dollars in undeserved bonuses....I paid over 300,000 in interest on a 100,000 credit card debit.The banks were given BILLIONS of TAx payers money, yet still forclosed on houses......I think the government should take away the holdings of the presidents of these large banks...and insurance companies....THEY STOLE OUR MONEY AND HAVE THE GAUL TO TELL THE GOVERNMENT THEY WEONT TELL THEM WHAT THEY DID WITH THE MONEY.

That brings us to my ANGER today...... People are now using the bad economy"card" to bargain.. A customer, that I havent seen in 5 years.... offered me LESS than half of what I asked for....then I actually made a deal...and she annouced,veryh loud....so all the customers could hear.....I WONT PAY TAX.... that did it...I lost it and yelled at her... Then she handed me her card and told me to call her if I change my mind...and I handed it back to her..and said...I will not call......I wAS BENT OUR OF SHAPE WITH ANGER.
Then another fat immigrant yenta, that was wearing a Strawberry Shortcake hat....really pushed me over the edge. I spent an hour and half with her...measuring all the tables, giving prices and explanations...Then she found the best bargain in the store..we measured it..discussed it...then sent in her husband....we went thru it again, then she returned with her kid. We had to move the table, move furniture around....put in the leaves.....polish it.. thenmove the chairs, open every door and drawer in thebreakfront........the deal was made, after interupting the "boys lunch" twice... The husbad handed me the credit card....when she came over and said " I DONT WANT IT>..they argued for a minute" AND then she said to me, I dontlike the top of the breakfront......" YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO? BEFORE YOU HAD US MOVE IT ALL OVER THE STORE, POLISH IT.....RUIN MY GUYS LUNCH.......LADY, WE ARE NOT HERE FOR YOUR ENTERTAIMENT....... SHE SAID i WILL THINK ABOUT IT... I said, dont bother...now or never.......She said I will call you...I said no you wont.......Its not longer for sale..........
I didnt blow the sale....but, my anger got a bit of a venting.....but from the agravation of the day......my blood pressure seemed elevated......and then I started to get angry at myself........I would throw in the towel.......but I cant find it.