Monday, March 30, 2009

An email I sent to a potential seller....

Larry.. I like the ..set of silver in the box..and I would be interested in personally coming to see the carriage house full of stuff...if I can come in an evening??????I like the birdcage....I think I might have sold that to them..I had that one once or twice....Bought it from a friend who was an importer...from China......how much do they want for it...I can raise chickens and make soup..(OK Iam silly...delirious sitting here on the computer at one in the morning... WHo can sleep. Business sucks.....I should have stayed in Medical School (and listened to my moethr) I could have been a proctologist....(I deal with so many assholes anyway) We did have a good day today(thank god) best day in a month...but the rest of the MONTH was horrible. People come in...(when they finally do) but dont want anything....tire kickers.....they ask prices, and questions, and say"I have to come back when I have time" or I have to measure" or I have to bring my husband or wife" ......then we have the nasty ones....from Certain ethnic groups......the ones with Red Dots....they are nasty and insulting (not all) and the Asians..if not nasty they giggle....and if you have two or three Japanese women together...giggling, its enough to want to choke them with sushi......(only being silly) Tonight one of my customers who is Jewish came in with his "Katuba" official JEwish MArriage Certificate" He married Soshi Ming Chung (now try to write that in HEBREW)...no joke.... and he was looking for a frame....He and his ORI_YENTA wife are customers of mine..and really super people.
My store is a melting pot...but some times I Boil over....Today I sold a bookcase to GREEKS, then an American and his Israeli partner were my second customer and I am helping them design and furnish a Country Delicatessen in MONEY, and the last "almost" customers were Syrian....
Usually, Sunday is HASSID and Orthodox DAY......we are in a straight line from MONSEY area....12 min away...and they come in droves....sometimes you think a MINION might break out..with some furious and serious prayer....(but if it did, I am fresh out of pickled herring and a riot might break out) I can hear them now, banging on a table, demanding food, "we want a KIDDUSH, We want a kiddush" while the women look on sheepishly, adjusting their "shaytels"(wigs).... I am explaining some of the words, just because your name is Weinstein, doent mean you automatically understand all the mystical words in YIDDISH. I knew very little Yiddish, until after my parents were gone..I picked it up out of sentimentality.....
DEAR READER, IT ISNT OFTEN THAT I BREAK OUT INTO LAUGHTER.....BUT THISMORNING IT HAPPENED....TWICE..WITH PEOPLE FROM THE SAME FAMILY....I WILL PROTECT THE GUILTY BY CHANGING THE INFORMATION TO DISGUISE THEIR IDENTITY....
I GET A PHONE CALL THIS MORNING,, from a woman with A Monsey NY accent..which isw a combination of Yiddish, Brookly, Eastern European...and And the Catskills. This lady said she was coming down to buy (not look for but BUY....an executive desk. She arrived before the store was open, as I was on my way up the driveway to buy coffee at THE UPPER CRUST... She tells me she is in a HURRY, and on the way to BROOKLYN. I recognized the voice,as the womean coming to BUY...an Executive desk. I opened the store, put on the lights,...she had a wonderful smile....I asked her if she was a lawyer..."I look like a lawyer,?" ahe asked..and then followed with.... I am not a lawyer, I am a YENTA from MONSEY.... I laughed out loud...but she laughed along with me.....She bought a desk, and said..."you deliver it free, and you can come uo to our place and watch us make MAtzoes for PASSover" I said that I appreciate the offer (but would rather watch paint dry or watch golf on TV)..but declined... She then said she would send her son to pick it up.....he arrived in two hours...with the Grandson..who had the longest "payas" religous inspired curls...hanging down I have ever seen. The son was wearing a white shirt...well it was once white....with stains...so wonderful, it looked like modern art. I am sure you culd use this shirt as a boullion cube and make a flavorful soup......FEH...UGH and YUK..
When the son walked in...I said to him, in front of many customer...AH, The representatives from the VAtican are here......they laughed,m I laughed, the dog barked and scared the grandson with the long curls...and the other customers were duly amused....

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